Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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