Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
