My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
