I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
