Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
