you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
