nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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