So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
