Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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