I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
