i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
