Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
