Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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