Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
