My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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