Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
