I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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