It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
