The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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