Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
