$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need help removing her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
