i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
