so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
