Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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