Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
