Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
