I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I could make wine with my vomit
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Randomize
