I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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