Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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