Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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