My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
