I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize