So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
