And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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