I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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