I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
