if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
