I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
