dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
