Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
