I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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