I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
