marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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