Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
