dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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