I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
