There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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