was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize