The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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