All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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