Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
