What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
