"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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