I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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