Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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