You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Girls should come with a carfax report
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
