My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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