He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
