um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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