I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Randomize
