anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
