she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
