words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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